MY NOTEBOOK
I wonder sometimes about certain things that happen in life. Whether they be good things are bad things. Does everything happen for a reason?! Or does SHIT just happens?!
This past year has been such an eye opener for me. I’ve had the best
moments in life and the worse. I’m looking back at old photos of this past year and can’t help but notice I’m constantly smiling. Almost in every photo, my smile seems to get bigger with more excitement. But was it a genuine smile?! Why do I feel like, “all the happiness I may have experience was always tainted by sadness”?
So lets recap on this past year and analyze what events went on. The happy memories are always the easier ones to remember. The most valuable thing this past year has given me was the wonderful gift of friendship. The people I’ve met this past year has affected me in so many ways. AND I CAN’T THANK THEM ENOUGH. You know who you are. It doesn’t matter how I met you, the important thing is that I DID. I’ve grown with you. I’m a stronger person because of you. I remember each and every connections I’ve made with each person. And each person, has their own purpose. You wouldn’t see the smile I have today if it wasn’t for you. You have my eternal gratitude.
I took a big chance last year. Probably one of the biggest risk I’ve taken in my entire life. I met HIM. He made a difference in me. He made me believe that there’s the possibility of finding love from a distant. That happiness can overcome any obstacle. And although we didn’t work out in the best possible way, I never regret ever meeting Him. I’m happy that I made that step, took that chance. See for myself the possibilities I had. Out of all my relationships, He is the one I value the most. Why?! Because He gave me all the reasons to do so. He made me feel things I never thought was in me. Things I never knew existed. I’ve always lived my life as simple as it can be. I try to avoid all complications, avoid all obstacles. But He made me realize that I will regret knowing what can happen if I don’t try; how wonderful things can be if I just allow them to happen. <3
Last but not least, my family. We’ve certainly had our ups and downs. For those who know my family, we can be quite the crazy ones. We’re loud, annoying, and outspoken. We’re nothing close to the happy go family. We constantly have drama and never seem to completely get along. So why am I happy about my family with this past year?! BECAUSE ITS MY FAMILY. With everything that happened, we still seem to always have a kickass time. I think we came along way. I think we’re all finally adults. We finally became one. ONE HUGE PERSON. This past Lunar New Year, was probably one of the best family reunions we’ve had in a long time. I have never seen so many smiles in my entire life. I appreciated those smiles so much. It bring tears to my eyes when I think about how strong we are as one. How with everything life seems to throw at us, we still can pull together and be powerful. As some of you know, my dad was in a horrible accident recently. And its something that hit my family really hard. He did walk away healthy and strong, but the thought of something could’ve happened was terrifying. We couldn’t lose another family member, I won’t allow it. And the one thing that made me appreciate my dad even more, was when my sister told me that when she was in the emergency room with him, the two people that he was asking for was my mom and me. Why me?! Why not any of my other siblings? Not to say that my dad wasn’t thinking of my other sisters, but I was just wondering why me? I’m the splitting image of my father. Our personalities are almost identical. We’re both stubborn, arrogant, and dominating. We always want to be right and always want to be proven wrong. We’ll debate to the death. I can tell my dad sees himself in me. I can tell by the way he looks at me. He’s sees how much I’ve became and how much I’ve learned. That I was listening to all his lectures over the past year. I was expected to be the boy when I was born, and I was raised just like that. To be strong, powerful, and always test the waters, just like dad.
And so we get to the bad memories. Well I suppose there’s no such things as bad memories, for memories themselves serves a good purpose. Lets start with friendship again. I never thought of the day where I can lose a friendship over a misunderstanding. Over something that was so blown out of proportion. And I must say, this friend was one of the most interesting people I have ever met in my entire life. I haven’t known him/her for a long time, but long enough to understand that we have an amazing connection. Its one of those connections you only get once in a life time and when you do, you appreciate it to the fullest. But something happened and a decision was made. A decision, I believe, affected the both of us. I don’t exactly agree with the decision, but there’s isn’t anything I can do at this moment. The ball is no longer in my hand, not to say that it ever was. I really wish some day, we will all come to a mutual understanding. An understanding that can cause all these complications to go away. I understand that it really wasn’t about me; I just became the factor. But I must say, it does hurt to lose a friend over something so unreal. And to see him slip away further and further is heartbreaking. To see him not be the person I met is disturbing. To see him go back in what he believes in makes me angry. BUT, I do believe that he has it in him to see things through. To make the right decision for HIMSELF. I want my best friend back, I want him the way I left him….
As for my love life, it has been pretty simple. Ever since the wonderful HIM, I haven’t dated anyone. I’m not sure if its because I’m not quite ready or is it because I don’t see any potentials. Whatever the case, I’ve just been so out of it. Maybe I’m not allowing myself to see what’s out there, not letting go of something I no longer have. I’ll admit that I have crushed since. I felt 16 all over again. I would spend 20 hours of the day just thinking about him and wondering if everything is alright. It was a bittersweet feeling. I felt good that I can feel again, yet bad that I can’t do anything about it or choose not to.
One bad thing about my family is that we can’t be together more often. That we can’t be like we were back in the days when we were kids. We’ve all grown up and all in different directions. I miss being a kid……
So does this past year seem good or bad?! Are my smiles genuine or counterfeit? I think compared to must people, my year has been pretty ok. So why am I getting this yuckie feeling?!
This past year has been such an eye opener for me. I’ve had the best
moments in life and the worse. I’m looking back at old photos of this past year and can’t help but notice I’m constantly smiling. Almost in every photo, my smile seems to get bigger with more excitement. But was it a genuine smile?! Why do I feel like, “all the happiness I may have experience was always tainted by sadness”?So lets recap on this past year and analyze what events went on. The happy memories are always the easier ones to remember. The most valuable thing this past year has given me was the wonderful gift of friendship. The people I’ve met this past year has affected me in so many ways. AND I CAN’T THANK THEM ENOUGH. You know who you are. It doesn’t matter how I met you, the important thing is that I DID. I’ve grown with you. I’m a stronger person because of you. I remember each and every connections I’ve made with each person. And each person, has their own purpose. You wouldn’t see the smile I have today if it wasn’t for you. You have my eternal gratitude.
I took a big chance last year. Probably one of the biggest risk I’ve taken in my entire life. I met HIM. He made a difference in me. He made me believe that there’s the possibility of finding love from a distant. That happiness can overcome any obstacle. And although we didn’t work out in the best possible way, I never regret ever meeting Him. I’m happy that I made that step, took that chance. See for myself the possibilities I had. Out of all my relationships, He is the one I value the most. Why?! Because He gave me all the reasons to do so. He made me feel things I never thought was in me. Things I never knew existed. I’ve always lived my life as simple as it can be. I try to avoid all complications, avoid all obstacles. But He made me realize that I will regret knowing what can happen if I don’t try; how wonderful things can be if I just allow them to happen. <3
Last but not least, my family. We’ve certainly had our ups and downs. For those who know my family, we can be quite the crazy ones. We’re loud, annoying, and outspoken. We’re nothing close to the happy go family. We constantly have drama and never seem to completely get along. So why am I happy about my family with this past year?! BECAUSE ITS MY FAMILY. With everything that happened, we still seem to always have a kickass time. I think we came along way. I think we’re all finally adults. We finally became one. ONE HUGE PERSON. This past Lunar New Year, was probably one of the best family reunions we’ve had in a long time. I have never seen so many smiles in my entire life. I appreciated those smiles so much. It bring tears to my eyes when I think about how strong we are as one. How with everything life seems to throw at us, we still can pull together and be powerful. As some of you know, my dad was in a horrible accident recently. And its something that hit my family really hard. He did walk away healthy and strong, but the thought of something could’ve happened was terrifying. We couldn’t lose another family member, I won’t allow it. And the one thing that made me appreciate my dad even more, was when my sister told me that when she was in the emergency room with him, the two people that he was asking for was my mom and me. Why me?! Why not any of my other siblings? Not to say that my dad wasn’t thinking of my other sisters, but I was just wondering why me? I’m the splitting image of my father. Our personalities are almost identical. We’re both stubborn, arrogant, and dominating. We always want to be right and always want to be proven wrong. We’ll debate to the death. I can tell my dad sees himself in me. I can tell by the way he looks at me. He’s sees how much I’ve became and how much I’ve learned. That I was listening to all his lectures over the past year. I was expected to be the boy when I was born, and I was raised just like that. To be strong, powerful, and always test the waters, just like dad.
And so we get to the bad memories. Well I suppose there’s no such things as bad memories, for memories themselves serves a good purpose. Lets start with friendship again. I never thought of the day where I can lose a friendship over a misunderstanding. Over something that was so blown out of proportion. And I must say, this friend was one of the most interesting people I have ever met in my entire life. I haven’t known him/her for a long time, but long enough to understand that we have an amazing connection. Its one of those connections you only get once in a life time and when you do, you appreciate it to the fullest. But something happened and a decision was made. A decision, I believe, affected the both of us. I don’t exactly agree with the decision, but there’s isn’t anything I can do at this moment. The ball is no longer in my hand, not to say that it ever was. I really wish some day, we will all come to a mutual understanding. An understanding that can cause all these complications to go away. I understand that it really wasn’t about me; I just became the factor. But I must say, it does hurt to lose a friend over something so unreal. And to see him slip away further and further is heartbreaking. To see him not be the person I met is disturbing. To see him go back in what he believes in makes me angry. BUT, I do believe that he has it in him to see things through. To make the right decision for HIMSELF. I want my best friend back, I want him the way I left him….
As for my love life, it has been pretty simple. Ever since the wonderful HIM, I haven’t dated anyone. I’m not sure if its because I’m not quite ready or is it because I don’t see any potentials. Whatever the case, I’ve just been so out of it. Maybe I’m not allowing myself to see what’s out there, not letting go of something I no longer have. I’ll admit that I have crushed since. I felt 16 all over again. I would spend 20 hours of the day just thinking about him and wondering if everything is alright. It was a bittersweet feeling. I felt good that I can feel again, yet bad that I can’t do anything about it or choose not to.
One bad thing about my family is that we can’t be together more often. That we can’t be like we were back in the days when we were kids. We’ve all grown up and all in different directions. I miss being a kid……
So does this past year seem good or bad?! Are my smiles genuine or counterfeit? I think compared to must people, my year has been pretty ok. So why am I getting this yuckie feeling?!
posted by krisTi at 5:18 PM
2 Comments:
You speak alot about your family. What are the circumstances of how they came to the US?
i've experienced love once in my life so far... it sucks when it's not reciprocated. i'm on the same page.
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